21 10 2011

I received this ‘article’ via email earlier today and found it amusing. So, in amongst all the serious blogging, I thought I would share it with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.  These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

Author Unknown (if you know the author please let me know so he/she can be correctly credited)

Read more blogs by Jim Cowan

Twitter @cowanglobal



2 responses

21 10 2011

I don’t think Administratium can be the result of Governmentium being catalysed with money. That would imply the possibility of Administratium existing independently of Governmentium which is unlikely.

An alternative solution would be to substitute “money” for “funding with strings attached”. This then raises the possibility that funding converts to money when placed outside of the orbit of both Governmentium and Administratium.

The only viable that funding can convert to money (escaping the orbit of Governmentium and Administratium) is when it passes through the pockets of pillocks and morons.

24 10 2011
Steve Ellison

Hi, Steve Ellison of Ellison Associates here. The latest press releases on the subject suggest that after extensive experiments, (almost an hour and a half), several elements linked to Governmentium were combined to create the compound Expensesium. This compound is unusual in that it is claimed and at times re-claimed from fundonium and no work is involved in it’s creation. No one is quite sure how it came into existence as the records of the experiments seem to have mysteriously disappeared but everyone knows where it goes. Difficulties have been experienced in controlling this compound because no one seems to understand how the compound was formed originally due to the lack of records but according to official sources, no rules were broken either in it’s creation and subsequent use and that we “now have it under control”. The same official source also reported that Expensesium is not expected to cause any problems in the future as, “adequate and rigorous” safeguards have been put into place, This correspondent however does believe that extreme caution should be exercised and if you come into contact with it, no amount of washing will remove it, so don’t approach it but report it immediately.

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